Denial aint just a river...

Gaslighting Yourself: How to Become Your Own Worst Enemy

The term "gaslighting" describes the manipulative tactic where someone makes you question your reality, leaving you feeling lost, unsure, and disconnected from what’s true in your world. It’s a nasty thing when others do it to you. But what happens when you start doing it to yourself?

Gaslighting yourself is a slow, creeping process where doubt and confusion start to erode your trust in your own thoughts and feelings. For me, it’s tied closely to experiences like masking—where I hide my true feelings to meet others’ expectations. Over time, this constant masking can lead to self-gaslighting. I start to ignore my own needs, convincing myself that what I’m feeling isn’t valid, that my reality isn’t real.

Why am I more susceptible to this? I think it’s because I tend to see the best in others, sometimes to a fault. My empathetic nature, which I value deeply, can make it harder for me to spot when I’m being misled. I’m wired to trust, to look for the good, and that can attract people who don’t always have the same intentions. This disconnect can make navigating relationships more complicated, leading to moments where I doubt myself more than I should.

So, how do I know when I’m gaslighting myself? Here are four signs that stand out for me:

• Questioning My Own Judgment: I find myself doubting my feelings, memories, and experiences, which can make me feel like I can’t trust my own perspective. It’s like being in a fog, where nothing feels certain, not even the ground under my feet.

• Believing I’m Overreacting: I often catch myself thinking that my responses are too much, that I’m being too sensitive. But this internal narrative ignores the valid feedback my body and emotions are giving me. It’s like telling myself to calm down when my instincts are screaming that something’s wrong.

• Doubting My Memories: When I struggle to trust my recollections of events, especially traumatic ones, it leaves me feeling unsettled. The past becomes a blur, and I start to question if things really happened the way I remember them, or if I’m just making it all up.

• Blaming Myself for Others’ Actions: I often fall into the trap of feeling responsible for how others react to me, forgetting that I can’t control other people’s emotions or actions. It’s a heavy burden to carry, one that isn’t mine to bear.

One of the biggest culprits in my self-gaslighting is masking. When I mask, I’m hiding my true feelings to meet others’ expectations, to fit into a world that doesn’t always make sense to me. But this constant pressure to blend in can distort my self-perception, making me doubt my own reality. I start to believe that the version of me I present to the world is the real me, even when it’s just a façade.

When I find myself falling into this unhealthy spiral and start to question myself, I focus on concepts that have help me take a breath and reframe my thoughts:

• Trust My Gut: If something feels off, it probably is. My intuition is a valuable guide, even when everything else feels uncertain.

• Validate My Emotions: My feelings are real and deserve acknowledgment, even if they don’t align with how others see the situation. It’s okay to feel what I feel, even when it’s messy or inconvenient.

• Seek Support: Talking to someone who understands, who gets where I’m coming from, can help ground me in reality and provide a clearer perspective. Sometimes, all I need is to hear someone else say, “Yes, that makes sense.”

• Practice Self-Compassion: Being kind to myself is essential. I need to remember that it’s okay to have doubts and uncertainties. I’m human, and that means I won’t always have all the answers. And that’s okay.

  
  

In the end, gaslighting—whether from others or from myself—is evil and unacceptable. It's been eye opening to learn that I am even capable of doing this to myself. By recognizing these patterns and acknowledging them, I can start to reclaim my reality. This journey isn’t just about getting through each day; it’s about embracing who I am and trusting that my experiences are valid, even when the world feels shaky.

Key Takeaways:

1. Self-Gaslighting: Doubting your own thoughts, feelings, and memories can lead to a distorted sense of reality, especially when masking or trying to meet others’ expectations.

2. Signs of Self-Gaslighting: Questioning judgment, feeling like you’re overreacting, doubting memories, and blaming yourself for others’ actions are key indicators.

3. Reversing Self-Gaslighting: Trusting intuition, validating emotions, seeking support, and practicing self-compassion are essential steps to reclaiming your reality.