CommunicHATE...

Lately, I’ve been feeling weighed down by a lot of self-doubt which only hinders my already limited ability to clearly communicate with anyone. It isn’t just about finding the right words; it’s about finding the courage to voice my thoughts. Speaking up, even for simple things, can sometimes feel overwhelming.

Tasks like scheduling appointments or asking for help have become significant challenges. The idea of structuring my thoughts into a clear request, only to face scrutiny, can be daunting. There are times when it feels easier to let someone else handle it rather than deal with the anxiety that comes with it. But where do I begin to express this overwhelm, especially as a single mom juggling countless responsibilities? When I have reached out in moments of sheer desperation, yet all too often, it invites the same condescending response: "Well, you could have/should have asked for help." It's a phrase that's meant to offer a solution, but in reality, it deepens the divide. It invalidates the experience of feeling overwhelmed, implying that the solution was always within reach, and that the fault lies in not reaching out. It greatly overestimates the time available to even begin explaining the specific needs and rituals that are essential to my family's day-to-day life. And to be blunt, it’s just not true.

When I don’t ask for help, it’s not out of stubbornness. It’s because, frankly, the people who make those comments have already proven themselves to be unreliable, unwilling, or both. It’s exhausting to be told to ask for help when past experiences have shown that the help isn’t there when it’s needed most. The implication that I’m somehow at fault for not reaching out only adds to the stress, as if I’m expected to keep hoping for a different outcome each time I ask.

Let’s just cut the shit. The reality is that managing everything on my own isn’t always a choice; it’s a necessity. It’s about knowing who can actually be counted on and who can’t, and that knowledge comes from hard-earned experience. So when I express my overwhelm, it’s not an invitation for a lecture on the importance of asking for help. It’s an honest reflection of the reality I navigate every day.

There's strength in acknowledging that sometimes the only person I can truly rely on is myself. That’s not something to be pitied or judged—it’s a testament to my resilience, my ability to keep everything running even when the support I need isn’t there. It’s about recognizing that, while asking for help is important, the real challenge lies in finding people who are genuinely willing and able to provide it. And until that happens, I’ll continue doing what needs to be done, no matter how overwhelming it gets.

Key Takeaways:

• Self-Doubt in Communication: Self-doubt often comes up during communication, especially when tasks require clear and effective expression.

• Value of Practice: Regular practice in communication, particularly in safe and familiar environments, helps build confidence over time.

• Celebrating Small Victories: Every small success in communication, such as handling a phone call or articulating a clear question, is a milestone worth acknowledging.

• Authentic Communication: The goal is not to conform to conventional communication styles but to find a balance that feels both authentic and effective.

• Encouraging Understanding: Sharing personal experiences with communication challenges can help build understanding and acceptance of the diverse ways autistic individuals engage with the world.