Hangin' Out...

I say "No, thank you" far more than "Yes, please" when it comes to social engagements, but it’s more complicated than just showing up. Here’s a look "behind the curtain" into what it really takes for me to engage in social situations.

From the moment I arrive, I feel like I am stepping up onto the platform of an American Ninja Warrior course, frozen in my thoughts while the announcers are telling my backstory to the audience at home. There’s a constant need to think about how to move through the space without bumping into things or people. This isn’t something that comes naturally and requires a lot of focus. It might seem like there’s a sudden quietness or a need to be overly focused—this is why. It’s all about trying to keep track of where things are and moving smoothly through the room.

Expressing emotions through facial expressions isn’t automatic. It requires conscious thought, almost like translating feelings into something visible. This can take up a lot of mental space, leading to missed parts of the conversation because the focus is on making sure the face matches the emotions being conveyed. It’s a constant effort to stay in sync with what’s expected socially.

Background noise is another hurdle. It’s difficult to filter out, with every sound coming through at the same level, making it hard to concentrate on the conversation at hand. This is why there might be a need to ask others to repeat themselves more often. It’s not a lack of attention—just an effort to hear clearly over everything else going on.

Adjusting the voice to the right level—whether it’s volume, pitch, or tone—requires continuous monitoring. This doesn’t come naturally, so there’s always an internal check to make sure the voice isn’t too loud, too quiet, or too flat. If the voice sounds off, it’s not intentional; it’s just a part of trying to keep up with the demands of the conversation.

Following the flow of conversation is yet another challenge. Often, there’s a thought being held onto, waiting for the right moment to jump in, only to find that the conversation has already moved on by the time it’s ready to be shared. It’s like being slightly out of sync with everyone else, always trying to catch up without interrupting or losing track of where things are going.

All of these factors—the ninja warrior course, managing expressions, dealing with noise, adjusting the voice, and following the conversation—add up. Socializing takes a lot of effort, and it can be exhausting. It’s not that there’s no desire to be social; it’s that the process is more demanding than it might seem.

Key Takeaways:

1. Socializing is Complex: Social interactions require significant mental and emotional energy, involving careful navigation of physical spaces, managing facial expressions, filtering out background noise, modulating voice, and keeping up with conversations.

2. Effort Behind the Scenes: The effort involved in these tasks isn’t always visible to others, which can make socializing exhausting and is why there may be less engagement than expected.

3. Understanding and Patience: Building awareness and understanding of these challenges can foster better communication and connection.